


sweet creature

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Canon Compliant, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, I promise it gets better at the end, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Unrequited Love, all other characters except harry and lou are only mentioned, almost, don't be scared ab the het relationships they're all publicity, mainly angst i apologize, mentioned very very very briefly like one sentence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:34:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25198555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the story of louis's and harry's relationship up until 2020, told by sweet creature.
Relationships: Eleanor Calder/Louis Tomlinson (Mentioned), Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, camille rowe/harry styles (mentioned), danielle campbell/louis tomlinson (mentioned), kendall jenner/harry styles (mentioned)
Kudos: 27





	sweet creature

**Author's Note:**

> i'm literally so sorry; i was sad and i wanted to write and this was the byproduct of it. this is another work i did at three a.m. over two days that's minimally edited so pls lmk if i need to fix anything. i listened to the vocals only version of sweet creature and heather by conan gray while writing if that gives u any warning for this. i hope you enjoy and i love you so much <3

sweet creature

Louis. 

had another talk about where it's going wrong

Harry remembers the last time they talked with such vivacity it astounded him. They were drifting for a while at that point. Louis never wanted the band to take a hiatus. Harry thought they needed a break. It hurt to see your best friend have the life drained out of him slowly, every album and recording session and early interview taking a little piece of him away. It felt like shit to argue with your best friend, but Harry was worried at that point. Zayn had already left because it was too much -- he didn’t wanna waste his good years even though he loved the band -- and Harry remembered he physically saw the toll on Zayn’s health. He wouldn’t let that happen to the rest of them, especially Louis. He already felt guilty enough for letting Zayn get that way. Louis told Harry “goodbye” because goodbyes are for people you wanna see again -- it was a thing between Lou and Hazza -- and then suddenly the last of Lou and Hazza had vanished and it was Louis and Harry again. It was  _ Lou and Hazza forever! _ but it seems forever had an expiration date. 

but we're still young

They were so young when they started. Harry sixteen, Louis eighteen. Harry was sixteen when he first realized he was in love with one Louis Tomlinson. He never told him. He didn’t want to ruin what they already had. 

we don't know where we're going but we know where we belong

Harry was only sure of one thing. He wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring. He wasn’t sure if the sky would remain blue. He wasn’t sure what his favorite song or color or ice cream flavor was. He wasn’t sure if this is where he peaked in life, touring the world and selling out stadiums and arenas, and when his name was plastered in Times Square. He wasn’t sure if he would have Hazza and Lou ever again. But one thing Harry knew for sure is that he wanted Louis by his side for the rest of his life. 

and oh, we started

It started before the XFactor, actually. They were horny teenagers and they both thought the other was fit so they made out in the bathroom at the battle of the bands. Harry gave Louis his number and Louis did the same but they never got the courage to text one another and imagine the surprise written on their faces when the XFactor brought them together again. Harry remembered thinking that he wasn’t sure if there was a God, but if there was, he made this happen. 

two hearts in one home

They’re in Princess Park now. They’ve loved each other now since they were sixteen and eighteen, but neither of them could find the right words to tell the other. Maybe they were just weak, because it takes strength to piece together the letters and find the right combination to unveil your biggest secret to the world. They thought it took strength to put a bullet right through the best thing they’ve ever had. 

Maybe they were strong, because if they told the other, they knew that the other would have to reject them and their friendship would fall in tatters. And then the other would live with guilt their whole life knowing they ruined everything and broke their best friend’s heart. Lou couldn’t do that -- his Hazza had a heart of glass, so fragile and so large and jam-packed full of love. Lou knew that if Hazza had to reject him, Hazza would take a hammer to his own heart knowing he had broken Lou’s. Lou knew you couldn’t put broken fragments of glass back together. 

And Hazza couldn’t do that to Lou -- Lou was all bright eyes and even lighter soul, and Hazza could imagine his Lou just floating away into the stars. That’s where he belonged, past the clouds and among the stars that lit up the world. Hazza didn’t want Lou to have to reject him and then have that weigh him down so he couldn’t make it to the night sky. And there his Lou was right now, with his beaming smile in arenas around the world, successfully lighting up every place he visited. He was a star, and Harry was glad he never made the dire mistake of passing his weight onto Lou. 

it's hard when we argue

They almost never argued. That’s how they knew it was bad. 

we're both stubborn, i know

Louis and his high walls. Harry thought by being with Lou every step of the way, from tour bus to hotel room because they couldn’t ever leave each other’s side, he would have been the exception for Louis. He wasn’t. Sometimes Harry would make it past one, only to find another and another. It was an endless maze, a head of a hydra. One got knocked down and another one erected. It stung to know his best friend was always one step ahead, always laying the bricks and slathering the concrete for another wall when he knew Harry was close enough. But whenever Harry got past one, Louis got even more distant. That’s why it was his own fault LouandHazza was no more. 

but oh

sweet creature, sweet creature

Louis, Louis. 

wherever i go, you bring me home

sweet creature, sweet creature

when i run out of road, you bring me home

Anxiety was a familiar thing to Harry. He always seemed so outgoing, but his speech impediment when he was younger gave him a disadvantage in social settings. Everyone loved him though, always found him so cute and soft and like they wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and cuddle him. His social anxiety never got better though, because even though people adored him, there was a little worm always tunneling further into his brain. He couldn’t bear the thought of ever accidentally offending someone else. It made trails of  _ they’re staring at you. what were you thinking? they’re thinking something about you. what did you do? did you say something wrong? just shut up, harry.  _

Or sometimes he overthought too much and overanalyzed and his mind wouldn’t stop whirring and racing. He couldn’t hear his own breath, couldn’t hear the good thoughts. Everything was too loud and too overwhelming. There were thoughts emitting a bright neon light that flashed and grew and shrunk and blinked and transformed from pink to yellow to green. They ran around like kids on a sugar rush, breaking things and turning his ability to breathe on and off and flooding his mind with even more, pouring sweat on his hands and adrenaline into his heart. 

It never got better. The only difference was that Louis was there. He grounded him with a simple touch, made him feel like he belonged in his skin when he was drifting out of it. There was something stuck in his throat  _ ican’tbreathe  _ but at the sight of his Lou, it disintegrated. His heartbeat grew more intense and he could feel the rivers of blood rush through him in an aggressive current, but then Louis was there, like a drug, slowing down time and making things hazy. Thoughts a million miles per hour but then the brakes were finally hit. Nothing but Lou existed. The blinking lights stopped blinking because Lou was the brightest light, sucked all the other light from the room, and Harry was immediately drawn to him. Panic Panic Panic but then there was Louis and there was calm. 

But now, it never got better, and there was no Lou. Harry didn’t really want to go out anymore anyway. 

sweet creature

running through the garden, oh, where nothing bothered us

It used to be LouandHazza and no one else. As soon as the two were in the same room, or smiling at their phones, people knew not to bother them. They rolled their eyes, thought  _ ah, young love _ , or,  _ they’re so obvious _ and continued on with their day. There used to be a bubble around them when they were together, high up, stretched out wide, and entombed deep into the ground below. They were in their own little world, full of dreams of sparkling mist and happy days. They could have dreamed about their future, but they didn’t because they knew their future was right next to them. There was no future without LouandHazza. They  _ were _ each others’ futures. 

They operated as one machine. Lou would walk into a room and Haz would just _know_ \-- it’s his sixth sense -- and lift his arm up so Lou could tuck himself into Haz. They were always attached, whether it was them linking pinky fingers or Lou tackling Hazza in a bear hug, and people used to tease about them just being one entity. They would clamber over each other when play fighting and reach for one another when they felt lost. They knew when the other was feeling bad -- when Lou had red-rimmed eyes and was desperate for a cuddle, Haz had eyes just as red and held Louis even tighter because he needed it too. It was the soulmate syndrome; they weren’t two separate people anymore, just mere reflections of the other. 

There were the late nights when Hazza would crawl into bed with Lou and lift the sheets up over their head because he was having a bad day and Lou was the only one who would be the big spoon with him. They would whisper sweet nothings full of love declarations until dawn but neither one would notice, too lost in each others’ eyes and tangled legs and spaced out and love-drunk on the other’s words to notice. It was like they faded away into the dark for a while -- into each other -- so far past reality they couldn’t tell where Lou ended and Hazza started. 

but we're still young

But nothing gold can stay. They could sense it was coming for a while, but they pushed it away, turned a blind eye. The days of being LouandHazza were a memory at this point, ruined along with their innocence. The music industry took so many hostage, and Louis and Harry were no exception. Simon had his contracts, and the media had their desire to pressure, pressure, pressure, and the tours were draining, and the studio time was increasing -- left no time for the way they used to be -- and they had to spend all their free time writing. Instead of being knotted in the sheets until dawn, it was business meeting after business meeting, and they got home at that time instead. They were too tired to talk, too overworked, and drained of all other emotions. Their extra bedroom finally became of use, one bed finally becoming two, the singular flat now two separate places, both hearts breaking into bits. They used to share their troubles so they could both carry the weight, but now they were alone, staring at the ceiling until sleep took them away and snagged the looming thoughts from their minds. 

Harry could deal with that, but then Louis brought Eleanor home. So he brought Kendall, and Louis brought Danielle, and Harry brought Camille. It was a relentless cycle of  _ rip my heart out, piece me back together, and stab me in the back _ . The girls came and went, but Louis and Harry were each other’s constant, even if it was only a sheer glance in a meeting. Other than that, it was false smiles and phony laughs and fabricated lies. 

i always think about you and how we don't speak enough

It was hard being Harry Styles during the After of Louis Tomlinson. His thoughts took over, puppeteered his body. His scribbles on the lyric sheets to pull the thoughts from his brain weren’t fast enough to keep up and five new ones came in as he finished scratching one down. Maybe Louis grew tired of him. Maybe Harry wasn’t interesting enough. Maybe he was just a phase for him, a temporary distraction while he was in search of someone else. Maybe he imagined the lovesick looks and the flirting and the constant affection. Were Eleanor and Danielle a publicity stunt? He didn’t know, even if he knew Kendall and Camille were for him. But he did know that Louis wouldn’t fake the moans breaking through Harry’s walls when he brought the girls home. Louis knew how thin the walls were. Maybe Louis did it to show Harry,  _ I can survive without you even though I’m desperately in love with you too, why can’t you?  _ But Harry knew Louis didn’t even like girls -- Louis confessed it on one of their under-the-covers nights -- it was all so bewildering that it gave Harry whiplash.

The last time Harry got a text from Louis was his birthday. 

“Happy Birthday Harry ! Hope you’re doing well, lad.”

Not even Hazza. Not even an  _ I miss you _ . 

Other than that, it was all through management and emails for the reunion. There was a time they wouldn’t talk to anyone else, but now Harry couldn’t bear to hear Louis’s voice. The same voice that once brought him home was now the one that caused so much pain. 

and ohhhh, we started

So young. Too young. 

two hearts in one home

So desperately, so blindly in love. They still are. 

i know it's hard, we argue

_ We’re being torn apart, can’t you see? _

we're both stubborn, i know

_ Please. It needs to stop. We need to go back. _

but oh

sweet creature, sweet creature

wherever i go, you bring me home

sweet creature, sweet creature

when i run out of road, you bring me home

and ohhh, when we started

just two hearts in one home

it gets harder when we argue

we're both stubborn, i know

but oh

sweet creature, sweet creature

There they are now, five years later at the reunion. Five years without each other, even longer without LouandHazza. Harry’s felt something he’s never felt in years, and there’s the reason why now, walking through the door. With his blinding smile and boisterous laugh, there’s no way he would miss him. They lock eyes; Louis stops short and Harry all of a sudden has no more air left to breathe. 

wherever i go, you bring me home

The love of his life is standing in front of him for the first time in five years and it all comes rushing back. The late nights and whispers and pining looks and radiant smiles and shared laughs and broken and unspoken promises clog up the room, absorbing all the breathing room. They weed their way into Louis’s and Harry’s ears, climbing into their minds. Why didn’t they tell each other? Why didn’t they see each other sooner? Why did they not realize they were in love? It’s all so obvious now, so blatant that it seems the realization was handed to them on a golden platter. Louis thinks  _ I need to get out of here right now,  _ but Harry beats him to it, stumbling over his feet in a haste to get out. 

sweet creature, sweet creature

There are familiar footsteps outside Harry’s dressing room door and a gentle knock. Harry knows whose they are; he made sure he can never forget. He never wants to forget an aspect of Louis, even the bad parts. Louis knows what Harry’s going to look like, the sight ingrained into his memory from seeing him upset so many times before, but it never fails to suffocate Louis’s heart. So he opens the door and a gasp escapes his mouth; after five years, it’s more painful than ever.

when i run out of road, you bring me home

The door creaks open, and light as bright as the sun pours into all corners of the room, flooding it with its soft beams and pleasant warmth. 

A strangled, “Lou?” forces its way out of Harry, and he lifts his face up, the gleam of his sun making the tears reflect off his face. 

Louis chokes at the sight, a pained whimper escaping. He hopes he can make sure Harry never looks like that again, as long as he lives. 

you bring me home

There’s a timid and tentative voice that pierces the silence and echoes around the room. The pain from the voice is no more, weeded out, and now only the comfort is left. It surrounds Harry, the familiarity of it all bringing him home for the rest of his time.

“Hazza, love? What’s wrong?”

And just like that, Harry and Louis are no more. 

**Author's Note:**

> i wanna make it clear that i left some parts of the story ambiguous because i wanted to leave it up to u guys how painful u wanted it to be and, yes, they were very much in love the entire story. i hope u have a wonderful day/night and kudos and comments are very much appreciated :)


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